Why I become an agnostic

I went through studies and questioning of beliefs since beginning of 100level till now that I have begun working. I have dedicated my life to question whatever comes my way be it religion, food and everything. I enjoy what I am doing now because this has helped to send me into the realm of reality. It makes me see some bunch of unproven ideas. And till now, I am a student of ‘knowledge’. The more I ask questions and study the more it seems to me I don’t know and I want to know more. If you are new born baby and you could prove your facts to me I would gladly accept them. I made up my mind that I won’t accept any knowledge or belief systems without critical questioning and proofs/reasons. The person of me now is by this description; “I am not committed to believing in either the existence or the non existence of God or god” based on my little knowledge on god. This maybe temporary or permanent depending on the facts or proof I have at hand today or tomorrow. It would be wise and best to be at a safer side because nobody knows what might happened about knowledge now or later even after death. I have been active members both in debating and evangelizing while representing these groups. Even with my little knowledge now, I doubt if any of these three groups could win me in a debate not for intelligence superiority reasons but for they lack of genuine proofs.   I would share my experience during some of my questioning time with three of these groups. Questioning them was seen as a system of getting information from them. I want to know why they behaved the way they do. I couldn't accept their explanation while asking them questions from the way I reason and studies. The following are few of the questions.

QUESTIONS I ASKED CHRISTIANS AND OTHER ORGANIZED RELIGION

Q1: Why does the only ‘one god’ gives Christian the book (Bible) that contradicts itself (in words) and other book of other religion? Is He not the same god with different names?  If all these words in these scriptures are strictly obeyed without using our human reasons, don’t you think we would all be killed now?

Q2: If Satan is the originator of all evil in the world, why did God still keep him? Why did he not end his life or make Satan life cease to exist if he is the all knowing, all powerful and justifying God? Why did he need to suffer us in hell for the sin that originated from his creation (Satan)?

Q3: By what you said that God is the past, present and the future, why didn’t he know Satan would later be evil before and after he created him? If he knows, is it not wicked to do so?

OBSERVATION: I realized most Christians don’t like talking about the above questions. You would see them use their own human reasoning to help their ‘god given words’ explaining why this or that is not a contradiction. They don’t allow the scriptures to speak for themselves but help it. How can you help God? I do react when they use this method. They can’t explain reasons for the above questions. I said to myself, why should god send over different 500 contradicting scriptures? If He must send scriptures to us, why can’t he send the same message with different language at the same time?  I still questioned that is Satan more powerful than god?  Why would I believe in a system whose doctrine and styles is built on these faulty or man made scriptures. We know that human is not perfect and that same imperfection of man is found in the scripture that was assumed to come from a perfect being. The writing styles, history, and other evil things present create my unbelief for this group.

QUESTIONS I ASKED ATHEISTS

Q1: Why do you say there is no creator that creates nature? What physical or theoretical proof or evidence do you have to conclude there is no god or the creator never exits at any time?( To active atheists)

Q2: Since most atheists disagree that the nature is not a creation rather they agreed that it is either eternal or accidental within nature, what evidence of proof do you have about your either agreements or chosen choice?

Q3: Why do atheists shift ‘burden of proof’ on their debaters since we know that the word; ‘God does not exist’ is an affirmative statement that can be proven in logic? Why can’t they say with all honesty that ‘I cannot prove god does not exist’?

OBSERVATION: Honestly speaking I see atheism like a kind of religion without rituals and uniform beliefs systems. They seem to act the same way organized religion do. They are not honest when it comes to the area where their belief systems is challenged or needed proofs. They would quickly dodge using some sort of fallacy like “the burden of proof lies on you since I cannot proof there is no god just like I can’t prove the spaghetti monsters “or any related and dishonest form of fallacy. It is only a negative statement that cannot be proven. Some doesn't know that statements maybe negative but are still refers as affirmative logic statements that needed proofs. One of such statement is ‘God does not exist’, this is an affirmative statements even if it in negative form. How could my belief rely only on a system that has no proven facts? One of the reasons I left organized religion is because of their dogma, why should I still accept another dogmatic belief without any proof or reasons?

QUESTIONS I ASKED DEISTS

Q1: Why should I believe that the creator creates the earth and left the earth or universe alone since human can’t just leave his child to suffer? When did he leave? Who is the human that saw him while leaving? At least human should be able to identify his maker before God finished his creation or what?

Q2: If the creator left the universe, where could he have gone to and for what reason did he do such?

Q3: Why do some deists give thanks to the creator that doesn’t care about prayers?

OBSERVATION:  I find out that this group said they believed god because of a reason. And that such reason is nature. And that this is not man made, so this nature is a creation. They also argue that since there is a creation then there must be a creator. I agreed with their honesty for saying they believed god by the reason of the creation we can see. I found that this is still not a belief system I should rely on. I reasoned, why should a reasonable creator leave nature? If He can create an intelligent been who can’t afford to leave a day old or even more, why would a creator do otherwise? Why should I accept this assertion? It is not reasonable for a mother to drop her child to suffer while she has the capacity to care and make the child fulfilled its ambition. Does reason alone proof anything?